Did you bring a gun? Yesterday we left the Prince and Princess’ castle in Andersen’s Snow Queen: we were with little Gerda and we were on a rather conspicuous carriage, made of gold and shining like the sun.
Illustration by A. Duncan Carse
Gerda bids farewell to her two crow friends, now blissfully enslaved in the Royal Castle because fuck you Andersen, and has to go through a dark forest. Dark forest equals robbers and you should have asked for an armed escort, little one.
Illustration by Edmund Dulac
The robbers seize the horses, kill the driver and postilions, slaughter the footmen and drag down Gerda from the carriage. By observing how plump and tender she looks, an old robber hag manages to creep the fuck out of us, quote the Grimm’s “Robber Bridegroom” and hint at the Hansel & Gretel cannibalistic witch, all in one swift move.
She doesn’t manage to skin Gerda with her kitchen knife, however, because her horrific daughter insists that she wants Gerda as a playmate, which oddly enough turns out to be a more terrifying prospect than the previous one.
The little robber girl climbs into the carriage with Gerda and our heroine tells her story, but the reaction is not the one we expect.
The robber girl gave her a solemn look, nodded in her direction, and said, “Even if I do get angry with you, I won’t let them chop you to pieces because I’d rather do it myself”.
Illustration by T. Pym
The robbers are squatting in a castle, with a crack from the very top to the bottom and lots of ravens and crows circling around it. The little robber girl has a sort of animal menagerie, in her den, and offers us some highly disturbing behaviour like forcing Gerda to kiss her birds and dragging her in bed by threatening to gut her with a knife. Merry Christmas.
Illustration by Arthur Rackham
Little does she know that Gerda speaks with birds: our heroine tells her story again and one of the doves has to confirm that she has seen Kai, and she’s the first one to tell our little Gerda that her best friend has gone up with the Snow Queen. According to the dove, the Snow Queen lives in Lapland and we’re lucky enough to have a reindeer inside the robbers’ castle, so Gerda goes up to talk to her.
When morning comes, Gerda speaks again to the little robber girl and tells her what the doves and reindeer have said.
The reaction is not what you might have expected. The little robber girl actually aids Gerda to escape from her own mother while the men are “at work”, she gives Gerda her boots back but she keeps her fur muff. She’s gracious enough to exchange it with her mother’s big mittens, that make Gerda’s hands look like hideous paws, and off our heroine goes.
Illustration by Milo Winter
Gerda rides on the reindeer and they head towards Lapland by following the Northern Lights.
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